Discovering Myself: The Journey from Lost Child to Healing

Welcome back to the blog! This week, I want to share something deeply personal—a reflection on my ongoing journey toward healing and self-understanding. It’s a path that many of us walk quietly, sometimes stumbling, sometimes pausing, but always moving forward. If you’ve ever felt a bit lost or wrestled with patterns from your past, I hope my story sparks a sense of connection and maybe even a little inspiration.

Years ago, in an effort to understand myself better, I uncovered some powerful truths: I am what’s often called a “lost child,” a “hero,” and also someone who struggles with love avoidance. These aren’t just labels—they’re patterns rooted in my family of origin, shaped by dysfunction and what I now recognize as an insecure attachment style. But before we get weighed down by the labels, let’s look at what these realities meant for me in everyday life.

Unpacking the Patterns

Growing up without the nurturing that every child deserves left ripples that carried into adulthood. I found myself isolated, wrestling with ADHD and dyslexia—challenges that made school, work, and relationships feel like navigating a maze without a map. Addiction crept in, not as a choice but as a survival strategy, and I slipped between two extremes: either becoming a workaholic, driving myself to exhaustion, or clinging too tightly in relationships, caught in push-and-pull dynamics.

It’s a tough pattern to recognize, especially when you’re in it. The “hero” role meant I was trying to fix not only my own wounds but sometimes also those of people around me. Meanwhile, the “lost child” within felt unseen and unheard, yearning for the care I never fully received. And the love avoidance? That was the self-protection kicking in, shaping me to keep others at arm’s length because getting close felt too risky.

From Blame to Responsibility

I’m not here to point fingers at my family or circumstances. The past wasn’t perfect, but it was what it was. The real magic begins when we shift from blame to healing and responsibility. Owning my feelings has been both challenging and empowering. Recognizing those inner parts—the scared child, the cautious lover, the driven overachiever—gave me compassion for myself.

More importantly, I’ve learned that true healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It takes tools, support, and safe connections. Reaching out to others who understand, who hold space without judgment, has been crucial. Whether that’s therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, having safe people to share my journey with has transformed my path.

Looking Ahead

If any part of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Healing from early wounds is messy but profoundly possible. It’s about finding balance, building healthy relationships with ourselves and others, and embracing vulnerability over avoidance.

Thanks for joining me in this conversation. Next week, I’ll be diving into practical strategies for nurturing self-compassion—because that inward kindness is where real growth begins. Until then, take care, and remember: every step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating.

 Secure attachment refers to a strong emotional bond where a caregiver is responsive and available, fostering a child's confidence and emotional regulation. In contrast, insecure attachment can lead to feelings of inadequacy and emotional hunger, often termed "mother hunger," where unmet needs for guidance and nurturing result in difficulties in relationships and self-esteem.

 kindfulbody.com developmentalscience.com

Understanding Attachment Styles

Secure Attachment

• Definition: A secure attachment is characterized by a strong emotional bond where the caregiver is responsive and available.

• Functions:

  • Provides safety and security.
  • Regulates emotions, helping soothe distress and promote joy.
  • Offers a secure base for exploration and independence.

• Outcomes: Individuals with secure attachments tend to have higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and healthier relationships.

Insecure Attachment

• Definition: Insecure attachment arises when caregivers are inconsistent or unresponsive to a child's needs.

• Types:

  • Avoidant: Children may distance themselves from caregivers, avoiding closeness.
  • Ambivalent: Children may be clingy but also resistant to comfort.
  • Disorganized: Children display a mix of behaviors, often due to trauma or fear.

• Outcomes: Insecure attachments can lead to low self-esteem, difficulties in relationships, and emotional challenges.

Mother Hunger and Its Impact

Definition of Mother Hunger

• Concept: "Mother hunger" refers to the emotional void created when a child's needs for nurturing, guidance, and safety are unmet, often leading to feelings of inadequacy.

Connection to Attachment Styles

• Insecure Attachment: Children with insecure attachments may experience mother hunger, leading to coping mechanisms such as disordered eating or emotional distress.

• Impact on Development: This emotional hunger can manifest in adulthood, affecting self-worth and relationship dynamics.

Understanding these concepts can help in recognizing the importance of early caregiver relationships and their long-term effects on emotional health and interpersonal relationships.

Refer to Mother Hunger for more indepth understanding.

Done with crying also.